I don’t remember most of my dreams, but I do have them. The majority of them that I do remember aren’t pleasant. They are mostly weird or confusing or distressing. I only really sleep in bursts lasting a few hours before I’m woken up by whatever strangeness drove me awake. Usually the memory creeps back into the shadows before I can recall just what it was that stirred me. Other times I can recall with unfortunate clarity and am left with thoughts that attempt to understand where that dream could have possibly come from.
There is, however, a recurring dream. Or rather, a dream series that I find myself in from time to time. They are rare, but they are my comfort in darkness and where I hope to find myself when I close my eyes at night.
This place that I sometimes visit is always sunny. The sky is brilliantly blue. There are no clouds, and though the day is bright, I cannot detect a sun to cause me to squint. The air is cool and refreshing. I am impossibly strong and fast: I run through miles of green fields like a gazelle, leaping what seems to be blocks at a time. When I stop I am not panting and my heart is at rest.
In this place, the trees are as redwoods, but they are the size of skyscrapers. And though they are tall and strong, they come done easily enough with a simple axe and a few friends. One felled tree is ample wood for a big house and fires for a thousand years.
In this place there is a massive house in the woods. Rooms are impossibly large and complex, leading into and out of one another. What would be weird and horrifying in the darkness is redeemed in this place of peace and sunshine. The home is filled with people, but it is not crowded, and the accommodations are more than ample. It is a house filled with love.
I am surrounded by friends- those I see currently and those who it is seemingly impossible to ever see again. I am happy in this place of impossible trees and old friends and rekindled lost memories.
What do I make of this? What should I make of this? This gleam of sun that penetrates my normally macabre dreamscape? I suppose it is what I hope for in times to come. To have a body that is not only whole, but brimming over with power and used perfectly. To be with friends that I can no longer be with. To rehearse old memories again, but to do it perfectly and in a perfect place. To be done with the shadow and to live in eternal light.
Greater Expectations 